That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize