Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So much Jack, so little girl.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
