he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
