Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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