I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
