I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
