Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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