Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
