If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
