I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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