chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
