No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
