A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
