im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
