thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
