Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
