Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
