I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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