How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
A bitchslap is in order.
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