I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Damn victory sex feels great
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
