in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
