I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
