There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
