Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
