pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
