I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
