dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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