went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i've created a new STD.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize