I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize