he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
