I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My pussy is not your playground.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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