nut hugger
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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