YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
