Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
