I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
