i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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