My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
