if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
