so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
