Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
