come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
