I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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