I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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