C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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