I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
