Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
