i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we're so committed to being not committed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
