I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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