How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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