So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize