I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
