Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
