you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
