Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish I only lived at night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
