i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
