How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize