there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
