i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My feet surprised me
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