pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
