I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
