I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
