if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
