so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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