i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
