I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
