So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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