I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
