honey bunches of taint.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize