He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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