ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
