Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
